In the customer waiting area of my office, there is a fabulous coffee machine. Fresh donuts make their appearance next to it every morning. For the last week or two, I’ve been craving donuts but haven’t wanted to waste the calories or money on them.
Just now, I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee (and yes, I am well versed on the amount of caffeine a pregnant woman can have but thanks anyways). I began eyeing the donuts and, in particular, the last Boston cream. Employees are not particularly encouraged to eat these donuts, but who would yell at a pregnant lady for sneaking one? So, as my cup of coffee is brewing, I’m waiting for this elderly woman (probably in her late 70s-early 80s) to pick a donut and then move on with her life. She’s eyeing the jellies and all old ladies love jelly donuts (fact), so it never crossed my mind that she would pick up the Boston cream. SHE PICKED UP THE BOSTON CREAM. “Curses!” I thought. I then watched her unfold a napkin, put the donut in the napkin and began wrapping it up to put in her purse. “Well, that’s pretty precious of her. I’ll let go of the hatred I would typically incur from such an encounter, move on from the Boston Cream and snag that last apple cinnamon cider donut,” I thought to myself. The old lady placed the Boston cream in her bag — wrapped up tight to ensure protection from purse lint and starlite peppermints — AND THEN SHE PICKED UP THE APPLE CIDER DONUT AND BEGAN WRAPPING IT. “What the f, lady?! Stop taking all my donuts. MY BABY WANTS A DONUT!” I wanted to yell but I didn’t because 1) old lady 2) This is all occurring at my place of employment. Now, there is only a bunch of powered jelly donuts left (obviously because nobody wants those) and ONE twisted, glazey guy. The woman begins to walk away, then turns around and BREAKS THE TWISTED GLAZED DONUT IN HALF. She begins munching on her half as she goes to sit down. Man, I was so mad.
This is quite literally the worst morning of my life!*** *** That line is funny because I hate when someone says something was “literally” a thing, but it wasn’t LITERALLY that thing. Guys, I’ve had worse mornings. But this whole encounter did make me sad. And now I’ll have to buy donuts on the way home and The Husband will grouch at me because I’m always bringing treats into the house and he’s trying to eat healthy and he has no will power and then we’ll get into a tiff about how he shouldn’t deny HIS CHILD a donut just because he wants only healthy snacks in this house and I’ll probably cry because I’m pregnant and then he will feel guilty and obligated to console me and its all THE OLD LADY’S FAULT.