Guess what, guys! I remembered Five Things Friday! Aren’t you excited?! I bet you’ve been waiting all day for this, Reader. Thanks a bunch! I appreciate your loyalty.

This week, get ready for … drum rooolllllll …

Five Things I Waste All My Moneys On

::confetti cannons::

1. Nail Polish

Ya’ll know this. I’m not positive, but I believe I have close to 200. “Heather! If you’re spending an average of $8 per polish xs 200 polishes … well … that’s a big math number!” you say. And you’d be correct. But, before you assume that I have spent five times the amount of money on polishes than I did on my first car – let’s settle down. I (almost) always buy polishes on clearance. And I get a ton as gifts. And, also, it’s my business how I spend my $20 of allowance money we give ourselves each week so DON’T JUDGE ME.

My girl Mindy feels me

My girl Mindy feels me

2. Snacks

God, I love snacks. Chips and dip are my jam. And, when the weather goes from 30* and miserable to 70* and sunny, I crave ice cream the same way Lindsay Lohan craves her … um … all the drugs and alcohol. I think I’ve mentioned before that I base how much I eat at dinner on what I have as an available snack option for the evening. And I like to have several. A girl needs to keep her options opened.

library fines poster

Probably not.

3. Library Fines

I’m so thrifty and eco-friendly and save so much money by going to the library weekly, rather than buying every book I want to read. Except, I rarely return the book on time. It’s not on purpose. I promise. I truly respect the library and their rules. Except for the rule where if you return a book on Sunday, when they’re closed, then you’ll get charged an EXTRA late fee because it won’t be checked back in until Monday and it was actually due Friday so why didn’t you return it then or even on Saturday, you selfish library patron?! Except for that rule.

target popcorn and icee cafe

Yes, please.

4. Target

“Heather, Target is a store, not a thing you can buy. How do you waste money ON Target, Heather?” you ask. I’ll tell you how. You simply walk into Target with the intention of buying a bag of cat food or maybe a pair of flip flops. You then fall under the spell that Target puts on all of its customers, and proceed to check-out with two new blankets, some scotch tape, light bulbs, headbands, a nail polish (re: #1), a dog toy and an ice cream scoop. Then, go over to the Target Café and buy popcorn and an Icee. Cross your fingers that you’re not at a Target Café that only has a Starbucks and NOT the popcorn. That’s the worst. Go out to your car, put everything in the trunk and realize you forgot the cat food. Go back inside, buy the cat food and, also, a new wallet.

5. Gas

Why is it so expensive? How am I going to keep driving to Target if I have to PAY my car to drive me there? How will I get the new Essie collection? Why aren’t we teleporting places yet?

Yay! Five Things Friday! The end!