So many facets of our day to day life are performed based on a matter of opinion or preference. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own, but my opinion is that if you don’t do it like me, then you’re wrong.

For instance:

which direction does toilet paper go over or underToilet paper goes over, not under. – which sounds legit – even did a study, with all sorts of science and numbers and logistics that I can not concern myself with, which discovered that the average American spends a half hour of their lives, every year, trying to find the end of the toilet paper roll. That’s one entire episode of The Mindy Project that you could be watching. You should watch The Mindy Project anyways. So save everyone some time and do it the right way.

If you have the option of using a ceiling light or a table lamp, you choose the table lamp. The exception to this, of course, is if you’re painting your nails. Then you use both. Duh.

how to make peanut butter and jellyYou make a pb & j sandwich by applying peanut butter to both slices of bread. Apply the jelly, on top of the peanut butter, onto only one slice. Never, ever, should you have more jelly than you have peanut butter. It’s a 2:1 pb to jelly ratio, people.

The jelly must be strawberry.

You eat mints one at a time. You’re not a heathen. There’s no reason to go through an entire package of Altoids or Tic Tacs in one sitting.

Choose a method to run your fridge and run it. In a refrigerator, all of the salad dressings go next to all of the salad dressings. All of the beverages go on one shelf, designated only  for beverages. Dairy products, excluding cheese, all go on one shelf. If you’re reading this, you’re probably not living at a frat house, and your refrigerator should represent that.

Speaking of cheese, squeeze all the air out when closing a bag. and I mean ALL of it. Lock that shit up tighter than … Hmm … insert celebrity virgin joke here, because I can’t think of one. A celebrity, not a joke. The joke is obvious, correct?

Ok. Time for a pop quiz. What is the correct way to eat m&ms?

Trick question. There is no wrong way to eat m&ms.

how to eat m and ms

Bro, doing this wastes so much chocolate. You’re wrong.