The Oscars may be the most important, but the Golden Globes may be my favorite awards show. As Amy Poehler put it, it’s one of the only times that the beautiful faces of movies rub elbows with the rat faced people of television (And, if you’ve ever laid eyes on, say Julie Bowen or Rachel Bilson, you know just how hideous people of television can be.)

Both the pretty and rat faces alike walked the red carpet. Um, holy hotness, Kristin Wiig, right? As an aside – I thought she and Will Ferrell killed it when presenting Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. The cutesy presenter skits usually come off as awkward (I’m talking about you, Jonah Hill and Megan Fox.), but Wiig and Ferrell nailed it. In case you missed it, they pretended that they saw every movie, by giving a synopsis based solely on the movie’s title.

But back to the red carpet. Because obviously, I know all there is to know about fashion. I thought Sally Field looked both age appropriate and sassy in her navy Alberta Ferretti.

golden globes sally field

I know there’s not much she can do, but I’m over Anne Hathaway’s pixie cut. Lucy Liu’s blue, flower-patterned Carolina Herrera was incredibly painful to look at.

Golden Globe Awards Lucy Liu

I thought Eva Longoria’s get up was confusing. Are you flashing leg or cleavage? If it’s cleavage, why do you have such a high neckline? Are you a 1800s Victorian gone bad? I don’t understand.

Golden Globes Eva Longoria

I’ve read bad things about Kristen Bell’s dress, but I thought she looked super cute, with her little pregnant belly.

Golden Globes Kriaten Bell pregnant

Jennifer Garner was especially stunning, in her red Vivienne Westwood. Unlike most of the women last night, Jennifer actually ::gasp:: put her hair up!How come most women didn’t feel the need to do this? I don’t understand. You’re wearing dresses more expensive than my house. Throw a couple bobby pins in your damn hair!

Golden Globes Jennifer Garner

This year, I was particularly looking forward to the Globes, because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were hosting. Tina and Amy are everything I hope to be when I grow up – hilarious, smart, successful. I want to be part of their best friend club.

And can we just take a moment to talk about Jodi Foster? Her decision to pop some uppers right before accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award was questionable, at best. What the heck was going on with her? Her speech was nearly incoherent. In one breath, she is saying that she doesn’t need to officially come out of the closet to know who she is, but in the next, did she come out? Is she retiring from acting or does she loves to act? Why is she such good friends with Mel Gibson that it warranted her thanking him? Does Mel Gibson know they are good friends? Because he looked confused. Is her mom dead? Dying? Why were her sons there? For someone who fiercely guards her privacy, she was pretty much an open book during those 6 minutes last night. Like, a choose-your-own-adventure book. Where none of the choices make sense because actually you’re not reading a book at all. Because you’re high on uppers.

One more thing – I think I have a girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. As she accepted her award for Best Actress, she quipped, “I beat Meryl. That’s what it says,” to the gasps of the pretentious audience below. How DARE she disrespect the great Ms. Streep. Actually, guys, she was quoting Bette Midler in First Wives Club. She also went on to thank her brothers … for being mean to her … but eventually, you know, being really supportive and loving. I thought her speech was charming. And is she dating Bradley Cooper? Because he “makes her better, every day”. Someone confirm this for me. I could get down with some JLaw-BCoops lovin’.