I’m easily made irritable. I probably say “That’s my BIGGEST pet peeve!” at least half a dozen times a day. I don’t do it to be dramatic. If I say it, I mean it. I just hate … lots of things. So that we can get to know each other better (and so that you can make a mental note of all the things NOT to do in my presence), I have compiled this helpful, Top Five list for you.*
1- When things don’t work/take longer than anticipated
Particularly, this applies to electronics. It’s guaranteed that I will freeze up a computer at least once a day. The Husband claims it’s because I “click too many times”. I do. I do click too many times. If I click on something once and it doesn’t open in .048 seconds, I’ll click six or seven more times. Obviously, I blame my impatience on Generation Y’s preoccupation with instant gratification. We’ve never had to wait for anything. Google, if you show me that Maureen McCormick is trending, I need to know RIGHTNOW what Marcia Brady is up to. Load. LOAD! Don’t freeze. What are you doing? Clickclickclickclick. Don’t fre … crap.
2- People who use social media as a place to barf all of their negativity onto the world
I have bad days too. This ENTIRE BLOG POST is devoted to things that make me grouch. But if your Facebook statuses/Twitter updates are nothing BUT “I hate my fill-in-the-blank”, you need to re-evaluate your entire existence. And maybe get a hobby. I know plenty of virtual farmers who are quite happy with their lives and crops. I can probably get them to send you a shovel and some seeds.
3- Industrial strength packaging
Listen, company-who-makes Midol (and by “Midol”, I probably mean the Target Up & Up kind because I rarely buy name brand). Let’s think about the symptoms I have that led me to your product– Headaches. Irritation. Is me getting that bottle opened a G.D. game to you? First of all, let’s take a moment to reflect on the child proof bottle. I don’t HAVE any children. I don’t want to squeeze the top, push it down and turn it seven times to the left. OPEN! And the foil. Oh, the foil. Put a pull-tab on that, would you? And then the cotton ball. Mother f. STOP MAKING THINGS TAKE SO LONG! Re: Pet Peeve #1 – instant gratification
4- Drivers who don’t let you merge
I’ve done plenty of super scientific studies (I won’t get into the schematics. You wouldn’t understand.) that prove my theory that: A driver that takes their foot off the acceleration pedal for six seconds to slow down and let someone merge gets to their destination exactly as planned, without incident WHILE a driver who maintains speed and DOESN’T let others merge is a mega-jerk who elicits road rage in other drivers and, possibly, a hex upon their family.
5- Any typing mistake that would make your English teacher cringe
Come on, people. Learn the difference between there, their and they’re. Find out when you should use effect or affect. The purpose of good grammar is to ensure that what you write is easily comprehended.
Go ahead and comment with your biggest pet peeves. I probably don’t like those things either.
*I retain the right to create another Top Five List whenever the spirit moves me, as my 5th grade teacher liked to say.