I’ve been pretty neglectful of Five Things Friday. FTF, it’s not you. It’s me. I’ve been lazy about taking baby bump pictures and doing a weekly update on Thursday morning, like I planned. So that gets bumped to Friday and then there’s just no time for FTF love. My apologies. But you got me back today (bc I’m now neglecting my baby update, and, essential, my fetus. See how that works?)

::confetti cannon::

Five Fictional Characters I Crush(ed) On But Shouldn’t

August once upon a time

Leather jacket? Check.

August aka Pinocchio – Once Upon a Time

He’s literally a boy made out of wood. But I don’t care. When he’s all human, August is haaawwwt. When he first comes on the scene, he’s all mysterious and stuff, with his secret typewriter and the stealing of Henry’s fairy tale book. And his back story shows us that he was quite the swindler and thief (August was DEFINITELY not selfless brave and true. He liked expensive things and fine women.) And when the spell is broken, he turns back into a man of wood. But even then, he’s STILL hot. His gruffy voice, maybe? But he does some good stuff (I’m a great writer) and turns back into a real, little boy. So now, I only have my memories. Because I can’t crush on a kid. (See #2)

alvin

Look at him, all topless! What a stud.

Alvin Chipmunk

Yeah, he’s a cartoon. And a child. Aaaaand an animal. But he sings! And he’s brave! And adventurous. He even knows how to pilot a hot air balloon. Like, what else do you even NEED?!

luke brower

Like a fine wine.

 

 

 

Luke Brower – Growing Pains

“Heather, who the HECK is Luke Brower?!” you’re asking me. I guess you forgot about a little show called Growing Pains. Luke is the teenager in Mike’s class who is homeless. He’s troubled, no doubt. I mean, he WAS found by Mike Seaver, living in a car. (I think that is accurate information, but apparently Google doesn’t remember much about Luke Brower, either.) His mom deserted him (Or went to jail? Died?) He was sarcastic and hard on the edges, but that was just a defense mechanism! He had to toughen up to survive the streets. He moved in with the Seavers and turned into a great kid. Then his dad, a trucker, came back to town and claimed him and the end. Also – HE WAS PLAYED BY LEONARDO DICAPRIO.

Aladdin

Aladdin is hot

My man works out.

So, yeeeeeaaah we’re back to cartoons. That’s fine. If you were born between the years 1985-1990 and you tell me that you didn’t have a crush on Aladdin, I’d call you a liar right to your face. First of all, let’s all stop to remember that the person who voiced Aladdin was Steve, DJ’s boyfriend from Full House. And if you were born between the years 1985-1990 and you tell me you didn’t have a crush on Steve from Full House, I’d call you a liar right to your face. Aladdin is the most charming of all the princes. Way more charming than Prince Charming (Who, coincidentally, isn’t that charming. At least not in the Disney movie.) Was Jasmine pretty sure he was trying to pull a fast one over her? Yup. Did she still go on a magic carpet ride with him? Heck yeah. Did Aladdin give bread to two starving children instead of eating it himself when he was also starving? Yup. Did Aladdin selflessly give up his last wish in order to wish Genie free? He did indeed. Aladdin is a damn good dude.

dexter opening credits hot

Utter hottness.

Dexter Morgan

Guys – he’s a serial killer. Legit kidnaps people, strips them down, straps them to a table covered in plastic, stabs them, chops up their body parts and then disposes of said parts in a bay in the middle of the night. So, I feel like it’s wrong to love him. But if lovin’ him is wrong …. you know the rest. He’s so charming, in the anti-charming, anti-hero sort of way. Plus, he only kills bad guys, so that works out pretty good, ’cause of my fear of bad guys and all. Also, his face at the end of the opening credits, amirite ladies?

 

Who’s your “I sooo shouldn’t crush on him but I totally do” character?