Being engaged consumed my life (well, to be fair, OUR lives). Every day there was a check to be mailed, a person to be met with, ribbons to be glued. It was an extremely stressful time. I love, love, LOVE my husband and our wedding was absolutely perfect. But, boy, am I beyond grateful that it’s over! (Although I find myself looking through photos over and over again, waxing nostalgic. How quickly we humans choose to gloss over certain parts of our lives, while romanticizing others. To be fair, your wedding day is probably an ok day to romanticize)
One thing that bugged both The Husband and me during our engagement was the constant influx of “Are you nervous? You should be. Are you?” and “Are you sure you still want to? Are you suuuuure?” questions. We were together for four years when we got engaged. We’re not starring on our own MTV show. I didn’t accidently get knocked up. Nobody was living in the country illegally. Sponsors weren’t knocking on our door, showing us all the loot they would give us in order to see it happen. It was much discussed and well thought out. Maybe it’s old-school thinking, but we were getting married because we loved each other and were looking forward to being in it for the long haul.
Most of the time, the Question was always from a co-worker or random acquaintance. We would rather stay home and watch a rerun of “Melissa & Joey” on ABC Family than get a coffee with these people. However, they had no qualms implying that they knew us well enough to know we may be second guessing the biggest decision of our lives.
Maybe they were just executing a poorly written joke. Perhaps they were projecting their own fears, second-guesses and disappointment in their lives. Either way, I never thought it was funny, always thought it was rude and would never think to ask that of anyone.
I know that the world is full of Kardashians and pregnant teenage moms. I know that the divorce rate is astronomical (I mean, I’m not going to Google it and get you the exact percentage. I’m not that concerned.) I know that not everyone marries for love or for the long-haul. But asking a seemingly happy, excited, soon-to-be-bride if she thinks her husband is going to get cold feet or if she’s worried about being “tied down forever” makes you look like a jerk.
Don’t be a jerk.
This has been a public service announcement.